The return of the long lost
by Aurora-swan
Summary: After their graduation Sirius and Remus began to plan their lives. Remus decides to travel, but once he left he disappeared. Two years passes and one day he turns up on Sirius doorstep, barely alive. So many questions that need to be answered, and will Sirius ever find the courage to tell him about his feelings for Remus Rated M for later slash ;
1. The return

**So this is my first attempt to a fanfic. Let me know if it's worth to keep working on**

**Chap 1**

He was strutting around the flat, as he always did when the mind was bored. Get again stumbling upon the old photo of the marauders, seeing himself, Peter, James and the long gone Remus. The man he missed.

Soon after the graduation Remus had disappeared, no one knew where. The last they heard was when he talked about his plans to see Ireland, short after he left, never to turn up again. Not a letter, a word for two years. James and Lilly started to think the worst, but Sirius hoped with his whole heart, that one day he would come back.

Remus on the picture was happy, smiling and with that werewolfistic glimpse in his eyes. That was how Sirius always would remember him, at least until he turned up again. He sighed and fell back down in the armchair, only to finish his drink of golden whisky in silence. For the fourth night in a row he had turned to the bottle, drinking his problems away. He really wanted to see that man again, just talk to him a last time. All he needed to feel some kind of peace, a sign that he still were alive somewhere in the world. The alcohol made him woozy, it was time for bed, his lonely, cold bed. He stood up and put the glass on the coffee table, on top of the old photo albums before he walked down the hall.

Suddenly, a hard knock hit the door. He turned, only to see the wooden door he hadn't been opening a single time today. An other knock.

"James? Is that you?" An other knock and he sighed again. "James! This is really not the time." He opened the door to beg him return home, he was tired. But the man wasn't James. The man was well known to him, only... The clothes were hanging on the thin shoulders, non fitting, dirty, old ragged, and way to cold to be worn in this weather. The whole man was smashed, foul, stinking of cigarets and something Sirius dog nose could not recognise. Then, finally he saw who he was and he gasped.

"Oh my god." Sirius breathed. "Remus?" The werewolf's hair had grown long and thick, he looked like an animal now more then ever. Still, he had the shrunken position, hands in is pockets and looking at his feet. "Is that you?" The animalistic eyes were glowing as the looked up upon Sirius, he looked evil.

"Can I come in?" His voice had changed, he almost growled.

"Of course." He stepped back, letting the long lost Remus enter the small apartment. Looking around with the yellow eyes he saw the photo albums and the photos of he and his friends. No reaction, it was like he never had left, he didn't say a word as he limped over to the coffee table. The golden whiskey poured down his throat from Sirius old glass and he fell down on the floor, leaning back on his arm and lighting a cigarette with his wand. The smoke welling out from his nose he looked at Remus.

"I'm sorry." The petrified Sirius finally caught his breath.

"Where the hell have you been?" The anger started like a fire in his body. How could Remus be so arrogant? Turning up at his door step, only to smoke up the air in his apartment. "What happened to you? I have been so worried?" Remus cleared his throat and blinked, he was tired, the dark circles around his eyes had always been there but now they were just... scary.

"I've..." he started and suddenly looked at his smoke like it just turned out of no were in his hand. He put it out in the last drops of whisky, shoved it to the side and started to untie his shoes, his ruined shoes that almost missed their soles. He scratches his moustache and beard with his dirty fingers and lowered his gaze to the sore feet.

"Let me take care of your wounds."

Remus just sat there in silence while he treated him, twitching when the alcohol entered his infected wounds.

"Where have you been?" It was the second time he asked him. Remus watched while the animagus washed his dirty feet.

"Sirius." The growling was gone, and his voice was left with the soft tone that Sirius remembered. "Have you ever met someone that reminds you so much about yourself that it scares you?" He didn't understand, so he shocked his head.  
"I guess not." Remus wasn't surprised.

"Well I did, in Ireland. I was going to stay for a week, drink some ale, see some quidditch games, just have a good time. Then, on the second day I met this... woman... this weird woman who..." His whole body started shaking, he trembled of fear and exhaustion. Sirius took of his bathrobe and threw it around Remus thin shoulders. "She thinked like me, read the same books, had the same... filosofi about books, life..."

Even if Sirius didn't want to listen to Remus story about a woman he seemed to love, he still did. It was just so long since he had heard his voice, his wonderful voice. He just sat there waited for the story to be over. "I killed her." The sudden line made the breathing stop for them both. The shaking got worse and he bring his hands to his face. Choking his tears. "It was an accident." he stuttered. "My potion... it... it was a scam, and... I turned." The tears started to flood and he sobbed like Sirius never seen him do before. "I woke up... behind the quidditch arena..." He started to hug his own body in panic. "Covered in her blood and... the rest of her body next to me." He bit his nails and the sobbing got worse. "I fucking killed her Sirius!" He kicked the supplies and the alcohol and potions feel over the floor as he covered his face in his hands. Crying like he had never cried before.

The anger was gone, he forgave the man in front of him, understood what he had been going through all these years.

"Remus." The man covered his face in the dirty hands, almost curled up to a ball, pressing his forehead against his knees. Sirius put his arms around the crying man when he suddenly pushed him back.

"Don't!" he screamed, quickly wiped the tears of his face and left patterns in the filth. He shocked his head while he stared at Sirius. "Don't." Sirius felt the tears burn his eyes.

"Please." he plaid. "Let me hold you." He shocked his head again and Sirius slowly understood what was going on. "Remus, you're not going to hurt me." The sobbing started again, more violently the before. He put his arms around him held him tight against him. "I'm so sorry. So sorry." Almost fearsome Remus hugged him back, digging the nails into his skin. He hid his smashed face unto Sirius shoulder.

"You are the first person I've seen for two years." he sobbed. "I have been hiding in the woods all this time, I... I didn't want to hurt anyone again. I..."

"It's okay." Sirius tried to comfort him the best he could. "Don't worry, I wont judge you. It was an accident."

"I didn't even got her name." He swore out of sorrow, gritting his teeth so he wouldn't scream. "I fucking killed her! I fucking ate her!"

Sirius sat there quietly and held his friend, tried to understand what he had been going trough. While Remus tears were flooding, he stroke his hair, carefully rocking him and ensured him that he wouldn't let anything like that happen to him again. Eventually Remus calmed down, still shaking but the sobbing eased. He had almost fallen asleep in Sirius arms.

"You're tired." Sirius whispered. "Did you walk here?" The nod was slight and almost unreal. "From where?"

"From Wexford." he answered, almost laughing. "I have been walking everyday for two years, a little at the time, back and forward, here and there."

"Where have you been living?"

"Everywhere." He almost choked as he swallowed. "I had ha bag with a tent and supplies, it got stolen on my way trough town. They beat me up pretty bad." Sirius glanced at all the bruises again.

"This just happened to you?" He nodded again, soon to be sleeping with the head on Sirius shoulder.

"Let's get you into bed."

"Sirius. Weird question." he started and lifted his head, looked at him, with now more human eyes. "Don't misunderstand, but..." He cleared his throat again and lowered his head. "Can I sleep beside you? I... I don't want to be alone." Something jumped inside Sirius, was this a joke, the dream he had since school, was it finally coming true? He tried to keep calm.

"Of course." Sirius answered, trembling as his heart skipped a beat. "Come."

A sharp pain hit Remus sore feet as he stood up and Sirius caught him before he hit the floor. "Oh god, Remus!?" He coughed and he felt the fever boiling from his body. "You're ill." The he saw the deep cuts beneath the sleeves, his arms were ruined. "What happened to you? Who did this?" The werewolf didn't want to answer that at the moment. It was way to painfully to speak of. "Remus?"

"Let me tell you about it tomorrow, I need some sleep."

Oddly enough, Remus had no memory of the walk between the living room and the bed. Before he knew it, sheets and pillows surrounded him. Heaven, was his first thought, for two years he had spend his nights on a cold mattress in the forest. Slowly, Sirius removed his clothes until he only wore the blue boxers and then folded the sheets around him.

One big question tore Sirius mind apart, he needed an answer soon. He had to ask.

"Remus, what made you come back?" The eyes glowed in the dark. The answer was simple.

"You." he sighed, almost happily.


	2. New clothes

**Chap 2**

With those words, Sirius wanted to throw himself in bed with him, just snuggle that werewolf.

"Me?" Remus nodded as he swallowed.

"All the years I've spent in the forest you tore my mind every every minute, every hour, every damn day. Last week I just... I just needed to see you. So I..."

"Have you been walking non stop since then?"

"Pretty much." Remus sighed, knew that he had started an awkward conversation. "You are the first person I've met that i have missed. The lads that beat me up is an other story that doesn't need to be told." He growled as he turned his head to the wall and Sirius put the hand on his forehead.

"Remus, you're burning up. You need care."

"I'll be fine. I just..." He sighed loudly and his mind disappeared as he fell asleep, faster then ever.

* * *

Remus slept through breakfast, he slept through lunch, Sirius got more worried for each hour that past. He checked him for the tenth time, still sleeping in the same position with the arm over his eyes. He snuck up on him, shocked his arm.

"Remus?" He removed the arm from his face and looked up on him with swollen eyes. "I know you're tired, but you need to eat something." He glanced to the empty side of the bed, just to see if it was untouched. To his joy the sheets were wrinkled, for the first time in two years he hadn't slept alone.

"I'm not hungry." The hand touches his forehead again, it was so cold his joints sent out pain.

"Remus, we should call someone who know what to do about your fever." He shocked his head as he closed his eyes again. Sirius fell down on the bedside and placed his hand on Remus ruined arm. He pulled himself lose and hid the arm under the sheet.

"Please." he whispered and once again Sirius spoke his name out of worry and stroking his hair.

"Tell me what happened." No answer. "Please Remus." The mans body started to tremble again, Sirius could not tell if it was out of fear, sorrow or sickness. He didn't know if what he was about to do was the best decision, but he wanted to. With out further thought he laid down beside him, put the arms around his body. Remus enjoyed the warmth from his body hand moved closer to him. As they sort of cuddled Sirius asked again. "What did you do to your arms?" Maybe he knew the answer, but he had to hear it from him. The wounds were to fine to be made by the claws of a werewolf.

"A few days ago..." Remus started, and stroked his finger over Sirius knuckles. He enjoyed it and had to keep himself from shoving his nose in the brown hair that stank of sweat and cigarets, and still that smell i couldn't place. "I... I just couldn't take it anymore. I... " Sirius held him tight as he trembled. "I..." Once again he started crying, not as violently as last night, this time with more physical pain. "I missed you so much, I just... I didn't want to hurt anyone again, so I decided to end it." The sobbing hurt them both, Remus suffered more then he had ever done before. This woman he had met were the first person who had fallen victim to him, of course he lived in fear for himself, everyday of the month that he turned everyone was a possible pray for his animal urges. "Just as the darkness closed in around me, I regret everything and... " He took a big breath and squeezed Sirius hand. "All I could think about was that I had to see you, so... I stopped it, came here as fast as I could. Lucky for me you still live here."

"Are you going to do it again?" Sirius asked almost hated himself for making Remus talk about it, but he had to know. To his relief he shocked his head.

"No, never." Silence. Their hands were tied together, Sirius stroke his thumb on the free hand back and forth over Remus forehead that made his bang tinkle him. Cozy, he thought as it made him go back to sleep, but Sirius didn't let him.

"You need to eat. You're slimmed down to your bones. You either come with me to the kitchen, or I can serve it to you here. Those are your only options." He sniffled as he turned his stare to the dark roof, thinking what option sounded best. "I'll put out some clean clothes for you." He got up, went over to his closet and quickly picket out some items that he thought would fit Remus slim and tall body. That was when he found Remus' old t-shirt, the one that he had forgotten that time he spent the night three years ago. The night they had spent at the bar, and Remus had missed his bus so Sirius offered his couch. It had ended with more drinking, talking and awkward silences. They hadn't slept, and when the sun had risen, Remus took a shower, forgot his t-shirt in the bathroom, and left in his buttoned shirt. Since the Sirius had kept it, sometimes in secret he had smelled the fabric that contained the scent of Remus.

"Here." He threw it on the bed with the jeans. Remus looked at the clothes and smiled as he sat up.

"I remember this." He picked up the dark green t-shirt, read the printed words. "The Pixies." he read out loud. "I haven't heard them for ages." Sirius laughed as he found a pair of underwear for him.

"You always had a passion for muggle bands." The underwear landed on the bed. "I'll be in the kitchen. When you've eaten, I'll prepare a bath for you." Remus stroke the hand through his hair.

"Yeah, I really need one."

* * *

Sirius enjoyed to cook, especially for others and he wasn't bad. He knew how to handle a kitchen and now he wanted to cook something really good for Remus that probably hadn't eaten in days. Fried eggs, bacon, beans and toast, a real english breakfast but as dinner. The plated filled to the brim, he set the table and filled the cups with earl grey.

"Remus?" he called and sat down at the table by the window. The kitchen had a beautiful view over a petite café with yellow garden furniture outside. Even now, late autumn, people still sat outside, wrapped in blankets and drank their tee. He loved the sight of the freezing people, smoking their cigarets and reading their books. Somehow they reminded him of Remus back in school. He always sat near the school wall, reading and wrapped in his school cape. He was so happy that he was back, but somewhat afraid that he would leave again.

Remus entered the room, wearing the Pixie-shirt and the way to large and to short jeans, cover with the bed sheet. He limpet to the kitchen table and fell down on the squeaking chair. This food was the first he had seen in ages, Sirius could tell by his surprised facial expression. He looked up at Sirius and smiled.

"Thank you." he sighed and grabbed the fork. Just the smell woke his hunger and he almost stuffed his face as he were afraid someone would take it from him.

"What the hell did you eat while you lived in the forest?" Sirius had to ask and drank of the bitter tee. Remus woke from his wild eating and swallowed the big bite.

"You know, what ever I could come over. As long as I had a wand I could do anything." He drank of his tee, as he did he closed his eyes and for some seconds he forgot about all his problems. "Damn that's good." He opened his eyes again and looked at Sirius, his eyes glowed of somewhat happiness. "Thank you, for everything."

"Don't mention it." Sirius laughed. "Please, eat." And he did, never in his life he had been so hungry. The food was sent from the skies in his eyes, the saltines from the eggs and bacon, and the sweetness from the tee and toast.

"Remus." Sirius interrupted his munching again. "I need to know something." Remus wiped his mouth whit the napkin and stared nervously at him. "Are you planing to leave again? Or... are you staying?"

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere." He laughed as he answered. "I'm done with the woods." Sirius had to restrain himself not to smile like a crazy person. It was like whole life had turned to the better since Remus turned up.  
"You want live here for a while." Remus blinked.

"I don't want to intrude." Sirius quickly shocked his head.

"No, no. I have lots of room, big be... couch." He blushed and took a big breath. "And... I..."

"Sure." Remus answered. "If you say so, I'll stay." The blushing got worse, he hoped the stubble would hide it. "I need some new clothes tho. Everything got stolen last night."

"Do you have any money?" That reminded him and he sighed with anger.

"Dammit, everything were in that god damn bag. Merlins beard." He leaned his head against his arm. "We need to get to Gringots." Sniffled and scratch his moustache. "I think I have my key..." He pondered and felt the headache grow behind his forehead. "Dammit..."

"You okay?" He moaned in pain and pressed his palms agains his eyes. "Remus?"

"Yeah." He growled and gave him a slight nod, tried to stand on his sore feet. Then he felled, hard to the floor. The first thought that tore Sirius mind was, did he just die? As he fell down beside him, he could ease his mind with Remus quick breathing.

"Remus?" He was still awake, staring out at the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He breathed is chock. Then the horrible pain started. All his joints cramped, his head were about to explode and he disappeared far in his mind.

Sirius panicked, Remus hole body cramped uncontrollably, what was he going to do? Hi picket him up in his arms and ran as fast as he could to the bedroom. Dodged the objects around him with the dog reflexes and laid the shaking man on the bed.

"Remus!?" He was shaking to violently. He got up on the bed and straddled the man, sat on him and grabbed his head. "Remus!" He started to come back and he did the best he could by attach his stare upon Sirius. "Hey! Calm down, breath." And he did, slow deep breath and his body was peaceful underneath him. Sirius had never been this scared, he had seen death and evil, but this took the price. "What happened to you!?" With winded breath his mind started to reappear.  
"I don't know. What did I do?" Sirius let go of his head hand curled them up to fists.

"You... started cramping! Are you okay?" He wasn't, his head stilled gave his brain the beat up of the year, he gritted his teeth.  
"I could really use a hot bath." he answered. Sirius nodded, still chocked of the scene.

"Of course."

* * *

The water steamed and the whole bathroom was covered in a thick fog, smelled of soap and the autumn wind from the open window.

"Remus?" He walked to the bedroom and saw how he tried to stand up on his shaking legs. "Let me..." He laid his arm around him and helped him to support himself. Slow and steady he helped him to the bathroom. He left him at the soft carpet and let go of him. "It's hot, just so you..." He blushed again, and didn't know why. "Yeah.. so." He backed out of the room

"Thank you, Sirius." He was really looking forward to this, the hot water surround his sore body, smell nice again. The jeans fell to the floor and he got out of his shirt and dropped his boxers to his ankles. Little did he know that Sirius where still behind him. In secret he glanced at his naked body, wanted to hold him close. Merlins beard that man was sexy. The scars covering that pale body, and the dried blood stains in his skin.

"Sirius?" Suddenly he realised what he'd been doing and met Remus eyes.

"Sorry!" He turned around as quickly as he could and his whole head was spinning with excitement.

"No, can... can you give me a towel?"

"Sure." he stuttered and opened the cabinet behind the door, trying not to look at the beautiful, naked man in the room. He reached out with the big towel in his hand. "Here." Remus laughed as he thanked him.

"What's the problem Padfoot? You've seen me naked before." He blushed even worse and cleared his throat as he went trough the door.

"Glad to see you're feeling better Remus." He said and closet it behind him, but Remus didn't. His fever was spiking and the dizziness only got worse. The weird attack earlier had made him weaker and he was scared that it would occur again. But somehow the hot water made his problems fade for the moment as it surrounded him. He leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment, it was wonderful to forget about everything for a second. Now the important thing was to get clean, wash away the pain. And so he did.

It didn't need much from him to get the bathwater dirty. Sand, dirt and blood kept streaming down his hair and shoulders and he dived under the surface. Cleaned his face and hair with his hands before he sat up again. The he soaked for a good half-hour, feeling no need to get up until someone would make him.

* * *

Sirius entered the apartment after the long day in town. The note he had left for Remus was still on the coffee table.

"Remus?" he called out as he put the shopping bags on the couch. There where no sign of him. "Remus? You still here?" The bathroom door was still locked. "Hey?"

"Yeah!" A big sigh. "Im still here." This amused him, Remus had gone from the complete bottom to happiness again.

"When ever you're done, I have a surprise for you, okay?"

"What is it?" Remus had never been fond of gifts, but this time he sounded quite eager.

"It's on the couch for you." he answered and heard the sexual reference. "Um... yeah." Before it could get any more awkward he decided to change the bed sheets that were soiled of Remus' blood and filth. All of the sudden the sound of drums and distorted guitars filled the apartment. The Pixies had come alive on his muggle stereo.

Remus were standing on the middle of the living room, drying his hair with the towel while only wearing boxers. He stared at the cover of the cd and smiled.

"This brings back memories." he said and put it back on the self. Then he saw the bags on the couch and smiled from ear to ear. "What's that?"

"Nah, nothing." Sirius laughed. "Just some clothes for you." He hardly limped anymore as he hurried to the bags, looking trough them like a little kid at Christmas.

"Merlins beard." He tore of the price tag and pulled the dark green shirt over his head. It fit him loosely and he rolled up the sleeves to his elbows. "Thank you!" He fell in to Sirius' arms and hugged him hard. "Thank you!" He turned to the clothes again and browsed trough them all. "Fuck! New shoes!?" He stared at the black leather shoes and smiled even wider. "Thank you!" This needed a celebration, Sirius took out the bottle and filled two glasses.

"What do you say?" He asked and put the whisky in his hand. "Feel healthy enough to get drunk?" Remus nodded, smiled of all happiness.

"Oh, yes I do!"


	3. Wine and whisky

**Chap 3**

Remus sat close to the stereo, turned the tapes and lp,s when one side ended, the music made him feel at home, and so did Sirius. Soon the bottle came to an end and Sirius corked up a second one. Suddenly, Remus got up and walked over to Sirius, he fell down on the floor beside him.

"You've been awfully quiet this evening." he chuckled and put his hand on Sirius knee.

Always when they drank, they ended up on the floor. Even if the room was furnished for company, a big cough, two armchairs and even his uncles old rocking chair, somehow Remus enjoyed himself on the floor. Crawling around like the animal he almost were, and barefooted he liked the carpet tickling his toes. "Oi?" He could see Sirius smiling as he finished his drink. "Is something about me amusing you?" Sirius shook his head and met his eyes.

"No." he sighed, blushing of the alcohol and the heat in the room. "I'm just glad you're back. Feels like old times again." Remus laughed and filled his glass to the brim, they had opened the wine that had been in Sirius cabinet for ages.

"Old times." Remus mimicked and raised his glass. "For old times!" They toasted and as Remus drank the last drops of his wine he fell on his back, laid on the floor and laughed hysterically. "Oh Sirius. You have no idea how good it feels to be back." He put the wine glass on his forehead and tried to balance it.

"You're such a stupid drunk." Sirius grinned and flicked the glass so it fell to the floor. Remus giggled and gave him a slight kick to his leg.

"No I'm not!" he objected and tried to balance the glass on his chin. "Like you're the one to talk. I wasn't the one who flew the broom right into the wall of a pub." Sirius stomach cramped as he laughed, he hadn't thought about that for a long time.

"That was ages ago! Haven't I suffered enough about that?" Remus stopped laughing and sighed as he stared at the roof.

"I don't know." he answered and stroked his finger over his moustache. "That was a week before I left." Now Sirius remembered and he silenced himself.

"Yeah, thats right." He swallowed hard and looked at Remus again. "Sorry."

"Don't be." He sat up and leaned back on his elbows. "I was the one who left. I'm the one who's sorry. I don't know why I left, I don't even like quidditch." He held out his glass to Sirius who filled it again. "I guess a rebellion voice inside me wanted to go, and I just listened. I was stupid, as always."

"You're not stupid." Sirius protested and placed his hand on Remus' leg. "Just... "

"Stupid?" Remus asked and grinned and Sirius bursted into laughter again. He nodded and drank of his wine again.

"Were there anything in your bag that could hurt the thief? Like potions or something magic that could hurt a muggle?"

"I think not. I kept my more precious belongings in my coat. Some flasks where destroyed, my wand made it, else wise I don't think anything in the bag could give them a clue about our world. As long as they don't raise the tent." Sirius choked on the wine as he laughed and Remus grinned.

"You feel better there Remus? Fever's gone or what?"

"Yeah, I guess. I don't feel sick." He sat up straight and swallowed the wine. "I really need a fag." A pack of cigarets turned up in his hand from his pockets. "Do you mind?" Sirius shook his head again and pointed to the kitchen.  
"Let's go out on the balcony."

"Fancy a fag, love?" Why not, Sirius thought and received the cigaret. Remus leaned over the railing and studied the street underneath them. "You have a nice view." he said and sat down i the garden chair beside Sirius. "We should visit that cafe down there sometime." Sirius nodded and let the smoke pour out of his nostrils. The fire lighted up Remus face as he began to smoke his cigaret.  
"Where did you even get a tent?" The question came out of nowhere.

"What?"

"Did you bring a tent to Ireland?" Sirius asked and looked at Remus with calm eyes.

"No, I stole it. After I woke up, I where in such a hurry to get away I just ran out in the woods. The next day I came back and stole the first abandoned tent I could find and ran off. Stealing is pretty easy as long as you use magic." He rubbed his eye and growled.

"Headache again?" He shook his head and looked up again.

"No, just..."  
"It's that woman again? Isn't it?" This time he nodded and sank further down in the chair. "Did you love her?" Sirius stomach started to hurt, if the answer was yes his chances with Remus would lower. He almost regretted the question.

"No..." The weight lifted from his shoulders and he bit his lip so he wouldn't smile. "As I said, she reminded me about myself. I can hardly stand myself for a week, how could I stand her more that a week?" Should he laugh at that comment? He didn't know so he staid silent.

"How come you didn't get her name? If I may ask?" The smoke rose to the sky from Remus lips.

"You may." he said and sighed. "Her name wasn't as important as her mind. I fancied her mind."

"Because it were like yours?" He shrugged his shoulders and snorted.

"I don't know, probably. It felt like I was talking to myself all the time I were with her. I grew bored of her."

"So you don't miss her?" He bitt his lip hard, that was a stupid question. Remus looked at him with an angry face.

"I fucking killed her Sirius. Does it matter if I miss her!?" He almost screamed and Sirius flew up to see if there were anyone on the streets that could hear them.

"I'm sorry." he whispered and turned to him again. "I didn't mean that. I just..." Once again Remus hid his face in his hands. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." he growled between his palms. "The fact is, I don't miss her. Before I turned we..." The arms fell back on the armrests and he leaned back again. "She wanted to take a walk, she said she needed to talk to me. And we did fore a while, I don't remember much of the conversation except that she had grown fond of me." He lit a second cigaret and stared at Sirius with empty eyes. "Then I turned." A big cloud if smoke entered his lungs, it stung but he enjoyed the sensation. "I feel bad about her death, I wish it had never happened."

"Of course you do. But you have to remind yourself that it was an accident. It wasn't your fault." Remus sighed and lowered his glance to his feet.

"Yes, it was." Sirius fell on his knees before him and grabbed his arms.

"You can't blame yourself for this. Many werewolfs before you have killed by mistake. It's not just you. It happens." The cigaret fell from Remus' hand and he let Sirius hands slide down to his own. Sirius warm hands grabbed his and he looked at the man before him. "No good can come from self-pity. Please don't blame yourself, no one else does." The tears fell down on the collar of Remus' jacket and he pressed his cheek to his shoulder to wipe them off. "You are going to lose yourself in pain if you keep blaming this in yourself, so don't, because... then I would lose you as well."

With those words, Remus felt better somehow, like a big rock had lifted from his chest. A big sigh flew from between his lips and he closed his eyes. He fell into Sirius' arms and he held him close. "I don't want to lose you again Remus. So please, don't lose yourself." The werewolf grabbed his shoulders and took a deep breath.

"I wont." he answered. Sirius held him tighter and stroked his back. "I've really missed you Sirius."

"I've missed you to. I'm so glad you're back." Then he felt how Remus' long fingers found a way into his hair, tickling his scalp. Remus' moved his head and his nose got closer to his ear, every breath hit his ear lobe like a soft, warm wind. The soft lips touched his neck and Sirius froze. Was this really happening? Yes, Remus was kissing his neck. The moustache tickled his skin and the lips came closer to his jawbone. He didn't want to ask, but he had to know if this really happened.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like?" Remus whispered and looked at Sirius with his dark eyes. "Mind if I kiss you?" The words floated in to his mouth, Remus' lips were hovering before his. He didn't answer, he slowly moved himself closer to him and their lips were finally touching each other. The taste of Remus were everything he'd dreamt of, sweet with a hint of tobacco. Their tongues met and Sirius stroked his cheek and grabbed his dark blonde hair. Remus growled into their kiss and let go, looked at Sirius as he caught his breath again. He smiled and stroked his thumb back and forth over Sirius cheekbone.

"How long have you wanted this?" he asked and let the tip of his nose touch his. Sirius laughed and blushed.

"Since year five i guess." he confessed and moved Remus' hair out of his eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Sirius leaned his forehead against his and closed his eyes.

"I was afraid what you would say." Remus hugged him hard and sighed.

"If only I'd known." he chuckled and took a deep breath of Sirius scent. "I've wanted this since fourth year." Sirius laughed.

"You got to be kidding me." Remus shook his head and giggled.

"No, it's the truth." He stroke his hand through Sirius hair and stared at him with those beautiful eyes. "You are the reason I'm still alive." He kissed him hard, their teeth knocked into each other and Sirius wanted to feel his whole body against him. He gripped his waist and lifted him up on his feet. The blood rushed from his head as he felt Remus pressing against him. Suddenly, a cold hand crawled up inside his shirt, finding its way over his ribs to his chest. A moan slipped into the kiss and Remus licked the corner of his mouth, kissed his cheek. The lips tickled his ear while he whispered.

"Shall we go inside?" Just the words Sirius wanted to hear and he nodded like it was the most important nod of his life.

"Okay."


	4. Done with the woods

**Chap 4**

Remus pushed him back on the bed, he was going quite noisy as his need for Sirius grew larger for every inch he touched of him. The animal inside him had taken over and almost made him insane. Sirius could see his dilated pupils, realising it was close to the full moon, Remus had always been more of an animal at nightfall as the moon turned rounder. The man kissed his shoulder open mouthed and tasted his flesh while his hands travelled inside his shirt. He found a way over his ribs and his thumb brushed over his nipple, causing Sirius to moan in pleasure. The dark eyes focused on Sirius, almost scaring him, the wilderness where about to take over.

"Take it easy Remus." he whispered and grabbed his dark blond hair. "Calm down a bit." But the werewolf had other plans, he straddled the animagus and ripped open Sirius shirt, buttons flew trough the air and Remus kissed his chest, carefully nibbling and lick his nipples. This made Sirius change his mind, he wanted this so badly that there was no time to take caution. He didn't want to slow this down, he needed more. The fingers fumbled with the buttons on Remus' jeans, Sirius needed them off now. As the zipper went down his hand grabbed his member through the fabric of the boxers, making Remus loose himself in the kissing and nibbling. The man pressed himself closer to Sirius and he remembered to breath again.

"Oh fuck." he whimpered and looked up at Sirius again. The animagus pulled his hair, made him come closer so he could press the lips against his. Their teeth knocked into each other and Remus bit his lip while he rubbed himself against his hand.

"Take your pants off." Sirius ordered and Remus flew off the bed, ripping and pulling the clothes of himself while he tried to balance. He were in such a hurry that he couldn't concentrate on anything else but the man in the bed, he stumbled around in the room, kicking and pulling his tight jeans that had stuck to his ankles and the shirt that had stuck over his head. The balance abandoned him and he fell on his back on the floor cursing and ripping in his shirt. Sirius laughed at the scene and left the bed, fell on his knees before the almost naked man and helped him with his pants. The werewolf could hardily breath when the animagus touches the inside of his thigh with his warm hands. The shirt finally came of and the sight of Sirius made him breath again. His member twitched with excitement and he slammed his eyes shut when he felt the hand touch it. The boxers were thrown off.

Sirius grabbed the throbbing cock and started to pump it. A terrible ache began in Remus crotch, the pain made him thrust into his firm grip but the animagus grabbed his hip and pushed him down to the floor. This made him unable to move and it only made him hotter, but Sirius had to much control, he wanted to go further, he couldn't wait for a slow development so he took action. He pushed the man on his back and ripped of his pants and they landed on the other side of the room. He cupped his member with his cold hand and kissed the area around it, making Sirius suffer of pleasure. Then he started to pump him, hard and fast and Sirius arched his back, and when he thought it couldn't get any better then this he felt something wet on the head of his member. Remus' was blowing him, only the sight of this made him to close to coming so he closed his eyes. Tried to concentrate on something else, he wanted this to last longer. But all he could think of was Remus' lips wrapped around his dick.

"I'm close." he warned and moaned of pleasure. "I'm gonna cum." The wetness left him and he opened his eyes, Remus was still pumping him hard and fast but he moved closer to Sirius face. He kissed him hard again, licking the corners of his mouth.

"I can make you come more then once." he whimpered and Sirius felt the grip tighten around him. He silenced him with a brutal kiss when he came in his hand, he thrusted into his hand and moaned in ecstasy and cursed into his lips. His hips stopped moving and he laid there, delirious on the floor with a whimpering werewolf above him. Then a sharp pain hit his back, but mixed with a feeling of deep pleasure. Remus had buried a finger inside him, making him ready for an intrusion.

"Are you okay?" he asked and kissed his cheeks, he nodded and another finger entered him.  
"Keep going." he moaned, feeling his member twitch again when a finger touched his prostate. With scissoring fingers, Remus lightened up his entrance and Sirius tried to relax, shutting out the pain and concentrated on the pleasure only. The werewolf, almost lost himself when he saw what he did to the animagus, his moans and exited breaths, he couldn't do this to him anymore. The fingers left him and Remus lined up his member to his entrance.

"Tell me if you want me to stop." he begged him, he wanted to give the man pleasure, not pain. He pressed himself in and the warmth, and tightness that hit him made him whimper of excitement. The pain that hit him made him arch his back even more, but it also felt so darn good. "Sirius?" The animagus painful face scared him.  
"Keep going." he moaned and Remus pushed himself in even further, finding his g-spot almost at once. The pain stopped, all he could think of now were to get Remus to hit that spot over and over again. "Oh fuck." He cursed and whimpered. The werewolf stared at him and grabbed his hip. He needed to come before the pain in his groin killed him.

"I'm sorry." he breathed and pulled out of Sirius, only to plunge himself in again. "But it's just so.."

"Keep going." Sirius plaid and Remus didn't have to excuse. He started to thrust into Sirius with a quick pace, hitting his prostate over and over again, making him delirious. He got tighter around Remus' member and the sensation it caused made him thrust even faster. He kissed his Sirius and swallowed the moans. Sirius grabbed his hair again pressed his lips harder against his own and moved his hips hard with his thrusting, taking him deeper. The kissing came to an end when Remus euphoria came to it's max point, he hid his face to his neck. Closer to screaming than moaning, his grip bruised Sirius hip and he bit down on his shoulder, smothering himself as he came. Just the feeling and the look of Remus' orgasm made Sirius come. His nails dug into his back and hi pulled his hair, gritted his teeth when he had his second orgasm, bigger than the first. Remus rode out the orgasm and started to kiss the bite marks that he caused on the shoulder. He laid there, on top of Sirius and they caught their breath before they had the energy to do anything else.

"Merlin." Sirius sanity was back and he looked at the short breathed man above him. "Okay there Moony?" He hadn't called him that for years and Remus giggled.

"Yes." he sighed and lifted his heavy head. "That was very nice." He kissed Sirius chin and grabbed his hair.

"Yeah." he sighed and hummed. "Really nice." He could hardily keep his eyes open. "I'm really tired to." Remus smiled and kissed his lips.

"Want me to sleep on the cough?" he asked and Sirius shook his head.

"No, you're sleeping with me. But let's wash up, I just changes sheets."

* * *

It was the headache that woke him, the morning sun leaked in under the curtain and hit his eyes with a sting. He turned himself in the bed and felt the warmth beside him. When he opened his hurting eyes he saw the sleeping Remus. He slept like he always had, on his stomach, arms wrapped around the pillow and his half face buried in it. Then he remembered what had happened that night. The memory weren't weak, he new very well what they had done, but did Remus? He didn't know what to do, should he get up before him, wake him and ask him about it. Witch act would me the most natural right now? Remus suddenly growled and pressed his head deeper in the pillow.

"Oh god, I've got such a hangover." he moaned and rubbed his eye before he looked at him. "You feel alright?" Sirius stared to the roof, tried not to blush.

"Yeah." he answered and sighed. Had Remus been to drunk last night? Didn't he remember what they did? Remus lifted his arms and looked at him with tired eyes.

"Come here." Oh god yes, he remembered. All Sirius could do was smile as he crawled closer to the naked man beside him and he placed his arm around him, kissed his forehead. "I hope you don't regret anything we did last night."

"Of course not." he answered quickly and stroked his fingers over his scar covered chest. "Why would I?" Remus laughed and smelled his hair.

"I don't know, we were both drunk."

"Who knows, this might never have happened if we weren't." He kissed one of the scars and he placed his hand on Remus' waist, pulled him a little closer. "We should tell your parents." Remus stiffed and cleared his throat.

"Already?" he wondered. "I mean..."

"Not about this!" Sirius shouted and blushed. "I meant that you're back." Remus bursted into laugh and took Sirius hand. They laughed like they had done in older days, before his disappearance. This was what Sirius had missed the most, and Remus thought the same thing. This moment defined happiness in his mind, even thou a horrible hangover troubled him. The laughter died out, little by little and Remus stared at the roof. He suddenly crawled closer to Sirius, let his nose touch the hair strands and he took a breath of his wonderful smell.

"I am so sorry i didn't return sooner." he said, angry at himself for the way he had been treating himself.

For two years he had lied to himself, convincing that Sirius and his friends would be safer without him. That they would be happier when they didn't need to worry about his condition. Damn, had he been wrong.

"Don't leave again." Sirius ordered and grabbed his waist again.

"I'm not stupid." he grinned and stroked his thumb over Sirius bushy eyebrow. "I'm done with the woods."


End file.
